I sit here watching the first Sex and the City film from 2008 and I can’t help but feel a sense of loneliness and isolation. Its been a while since I’ve decided to leave everything and everyone I know and move to the wonderful city of London. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret my move and I truly love this city and everything that it has to offer, however I can’t help but feel so all alone in this big, busy place.
I’ve not made any real friends since being here. No its not that I’m antisocial and its not for lack of trying but I just don’t find that I have much in common with most of the people that I’ve met since being here. I seem to have no problem engaging men into my bed but getting them to stay for conversation afterwards is proving to be the bigger challenge. Its as though London is hyper-sexed and everyone is looking for that next quick fix. I can even think of one guy I’ve been having ‘occasional’ sex with for at least a year and still every time he comes over he ‘urgently has to get somewhere’ as soon as he’s climaxed.
I’ve done the intellectual chat thing where I’ve met guys in the hope of meaningful conversation but that only lasts so long before they’re ‘intellectually interested in quick sex’. And the ones that are willing to wait are often the ones that have been waiting desperately to be on someone’s list. Finding friends has not been any easier. I’ve either met people that can’t maintain the frugal but up-scale lifestyle that I do (and therefore thrive on the benefit system) or those that are living unrealistically beyond their means (in which case I’d prefer not to pretend with). Work colleagues don’t count as I’m not one to mix my business life with my personal life.
These days I find myself alone. I eat alone, shop alone, sightsee alone and exist altogether alone. My weekends consist of housework and solitude. My favourite companions are books, my radio, Tivo and my DVD player. Somehow this just isn’t the life that I signed up for.
So I sit here watching Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha whilst missing my best friends in another country and feeling nostalgic for the more fulfilling lifestyle I once had. I’m hopeful things will change. I’m hopeful I will start to feel like I truly belong here. I’m hopeful London will start to feel more like home. Hopefully sometime soon.XOXO ~ City Boy