I grew up feeling like I was poor, unattractive, and would always be average. This wasn’t really the case but I felt that way nonetheless. I came from a lower-middle income family where needs were always met but wants were often ignored. My parents, though well educated (both to postgraduate level), were civil servants with basic salaries. I sometimes wish they had taken risks and put their degrees to better use but I guess when you’re raising children you ten to be more focused on security and stability than luxury. My parents sacrificed to send me to one of the best private schools and this meant that there was no money for me to have the latest Nikes and other branded items. The funny thing is that as an adult looking at the situation, it was an investment in my future. As a child in the situation, it meant that I was in an expensive school with affluent students that I felt I could never measure up to. Had I gone to a government run school I may have had more confidence as I would not have felt like the ‘poor’ kid. I was an average student, didn’t participate in any activities that I felt required money (sports, clubs etc.) because although my parents would have found the money, I would always be reminded of the costs.
As I moved into college, I started to gain my confidence. I was now working part time and able to buy my own clothes. I started to feel as though I fit in with the crowd and coming from my private school gave me an edge status-wise. On the outside I was very confident, even popular to an extent, but inside I felt I was putting on a mask to face the world. I went through a phase where I clung to any relationship, feeling like I was lucky to have anyone want me. I would endure bad treatment as a battle scar and never fought for myself. Over time my self value increased and my tolerance for bullshit decreased. The one downfall is that I became sceptical of almost everyone and anything and this makes being in relationships very difficult. Maybe this is why I’m so comfortable with random hook-ups.
I’m sexually liberal. I’m not easy but I don’t have a problem getting sex whenever I want from whoever I want. I would love a regular partner but when you’re as picky and intolerant as I am, that proves difficult. My profile on sites such as manhunt and adam4adam etc. tend to be very honest and although I sometimes still have insecurities about my height, body type, skin tone, dick size etc., I never lie. It must just be me! I’ve met several guys online that turn out to be nothing like they said they were. I’m met guys that have been my height while they claimed to be 5’10″ (I’m 5’6″), guys that claim to be athletic although they look like McDonald’s residents, guys that claim to have huge dicks then pull out toothpicks and worse of all guys that claim to be masculine tops then show up looking like they’re about to do drag and begging to be fucked.
So I’ve realised, if these guys can be so secure in their lies (or unrealistic self view) then maybe my insecurities are just that.XOXO ~ City Boy